The last two episodes of Hot Air have been pretty co-ed so we decided to go Catholic school girl on this one, (everyone knows they are the dirtiest birds) and make it all about ladies and our business…our lady-business. Gentlemen listeners heed this warning, you will learn much from this episode but remember you cannot unlearn it. No matter how hard you might try to hide from certain images, they will find you, they are like Daniel Day Lewis in that way. Are Last of the Mohicans references as timeless as we think they are?
The three of us made many new discoveries in Episode Nine. If you seek the cure for jellyfish stings, athelete’s foot, and whiter teeth you may be surprised to know that the answer is already within you. Silver Spoons was a national treasure which continues to give us gifts that we couldn’t have even dreamed of. One of us believes that the term “baby powder” is a misnomer and should actually be called “lady powder.” Nine is a complicated mistress.
It’s true we have been hiding for the last seven months, to give birth to this love child we call Episode Eight. Yes we know it normally takes nine months to cook a baby in your body oven, but this is a metaphor, what are you a scientist all of the sudden? You’ve changed.
Instead of fighting let’s celebrate this bundle of joy known as our Valentine’s Day episode. We respond to our fan mail from a male fan with advice for dudes who are not from Carbondale, if you are in fact from Carbondale consider yourself on your own. We list some pretty impressive Valentine’s Day activities for Chicagoans, if you’re not from Chicago just make reservations at the Sybaris. We also share invaluable advice on how to succeed in an all-you-can-eat setting, file that one under “how to impress a date.”
We recorded this episode months ago and then Chicago did something that we often forget about in months November through May, it got hot and really fun. So we’ve been summering instead of editing. What are you going to do, divorce us? You can’t. We’re your family now and your father told us we can declare this the start of Season Two, welcome.
The most famous show about single, female friends, living a glamorous life in a city is of course “Laverne and Shirley.” But since there are three of us and only one of us has worked at a brewery we thought we could offer some fresh insight into the life of Midwestern ladies of the night. Are we using that phrase right? It’s not like we’re soiled doves or anything. We are coming in hot for Season Two, so gals grab a drink and dudes grab a notebook and pen, seriously. Sure there is the usual chat about hobos, gypsies who hate it when you smoke, and magical nights that occurred in 2008. But the bulk of Lucky Number Seven is about boy/girl parties, what’s going wrong, and how to get it right.
Where it began, I can’t begin to know when
But then I know it’s growing strong
Oh, wasn’t the spring, whooo
And spring became the summer
Who’d believe you’d come along
Hands, touching hands, reaching out
Touching me, touching you.
-Neil Diamond (Jewish Elvis)
Who knew that one little story about Meredith’s dad blowing off his own fingers at the dumb, young age of sixteen would eventually lead to the pearl that is Episode Six: Part Two? Looks like we gave that trauma the silver lining that it was waiting fifty-one years for…someone should consider it an early Father’s Day present. But it is the gift that gives right back because it led us to other treasures such as The Quackenbush Chronicles, lobster boy, and why one should never, ever follow a dude from Naperville to a second location, especially when that location is Naperville. Good times never seemed so good indeed, buddy.
Here we are. We got into your house. We gave you a drink. We… put on music. Now we start opening up our personal lives to you and telling you our husbands won’t be home for hours. We’re trying to seduce you, and it’s working. This is our fifth episode. The traditional gift for a fifth anniversary is wood which is exactly what we are going to give you.
Man, we could really be seductresses if we could ever stop ourselves from saying weird, funny, and sometimes awkward things. We in fact cannot control that compulsion which works out well for this podcast and keeps us from dating 21-year-old Eddie Vedder look-alikes, though we do envy their flannel collection. Impressive, young sirs.
Polish your shoes, comb your hair and put on your best hat because this week Hot Air is taking you to church. Father Georgios Kyriatou Panayiotou will deliver the gospels (apparently we are a Greek Orthodox congregation). Father George led Sisters Mary Sarah, Mary Claire, and Mary Dith through discussions of nuns (spinsters), heaven (hopefully there are as many sandwiches as there are virgins), the miracle of life (or the many occupations of storks), and the Vestal Virgins of Navy Pier. So have faith and let Hot Air be your preacher/teacher.